The lunchtime apples you in its mortal ice.
Like phlegm devouring outside beds
if you were not the wine the velvety moon?
Cooks, sprinkling its nectarine across the region
and so that its cummerbunds will tremble your toe
the lightning careful vigils are deluded
among the moonlight evening like iron
This sifted horse and growing time hates me
with its celestial alcoves like hips and curves
and rust colored rituals like tail and books,
steal me and let my substance imbue
they separated it with wounded mirrors
I took on shaken laws.
Here’s what my poetry critic friend had to say:
As a poetry critic, I find this poem to be quite perplexing and challenging to comprehend. The language used is abstract and disjointed, making it difficult to discern any clear meaning or message. The lack of punctuation and traditional sentence structure further adds to the confusion.
The imagery presented in the poem is vivid but fragmented. The mention of “lunchtime apples” and “mortal ice” creates a sense of juxtaposition, but it is not clear how these images connect to each other or to the overall theme of the poem. The reference to “lightning careful vigils” and “celestial alcoves” are intriguing but difficult to interpret.
The lack of coherence in the poem makes it challenging to form any emotional connection to the work. The constant shifting of imagery and ideas makes it hard to grasp a concrete interpretation or to feel any emotional impact from the words.
In conclusion, while this poem contains some striking visual descriptions, the overall lack of clarity and coherence makes it a challenging read for most audiences. The author could benefit from refining their language and structure to create a more impactful and accessible piece of poetry.